How I Appear

I appear to be strong, always have. 

But I have also appeared to be weak, vulnerable, sad. 

I have always appeared to be many things, the truth but also lies.

I have appeared in the way that people will like me best.

I have appeared in a way that will not dim the light of others.

Even if it dims my own. 

I have appeared in so many shapes and sizes.

But always for the outside gaze.

To be loved, envied and accepted.

But now I will try to appear for me. 

For the person I am, the person I am becoming and the person I want to be.

I will appear in a way that works for me, not them.

I will appear with my walls higher until they gain my trust.

I will appear not for them, not for love, acceptance, validation, but in a way I choose.

I will try, I will try, I will try.

The journey is not always simple, I know it will take time, to change, to grow, to shift.

But I will get there, if I can tell you anything, each and every time I show up, I will show up as the person I am. The person I have been searching for in so many other people, finally truly finding her again.